Erotica for Women

I have been thinking about Fellatio.. it’s been on my brain..

I like writing that word.. saying it.. how is rooollls off my tongue..

FEEELLLATIOOOO.. but do you think with my Spanish tongue I can pronounce it properly..?

no..

I had to use the www, to find a annunciator… thank god for those things.. I would be lost without one.. ..

your language (English) was not designed for easy of speaking..

so I have been thinking about all the different ways, positions , combinations that one can use.. to bring a man pleasure…. and bring yourself pleasure in the process.. it’s all mutual in my books..

giving pleasure should be as rewarding as receiving..I don’t think there is anything better than bringing someone pleasure, pleasure that you can see in their face, feel on their skin, and taste in your mouth..

said she..

hmmm

I don’t know about you ladies.. but it took me a while to learn to love Fellatio..

and now… it ’s one of my favorite things to do..yummmmm!

The first time I put my lips on a penis…. hmm it was not good..

it was high school.. I was what.. 15? and he was one of my first boyfriends.. he was drunk as was I.. and he stunk..like..old sweaty clothes.. specially in the crotch.. (I’m picky about smells, have always been.. )

I remember thinking..

“why would anybody like this.. seriously”

but what was loud and clear to me.. was that he.. my boyfriend at the time..

loved it..

looking back now.. I understand.. like some  quote says.. that there is no such thing as a bad blow-job.. any effort is appreciated..

is that right? boys?

I was bad at it.. .. I mean.. besides gagging and almost throwing up (could have been all the baby duck on board.. yuck.. youth knows nothing about quality wine..lol) I bit him..by mistake.. got a little exited I think..  and pulled his pubic hair with my bracelet..I actually got my bracelet stuck in his pubes.. and then started to laugh like crazy.. poor guy..

I have a vivid recollection of that night.. he had this little Fiat Spider.. and it was hard to maneuver around in there.. lol.. we had to use inventive moves.. to get the job done..

it was a job.. back then.. not a pleasure like it is now..

but like I said.. that did not seem to matter, how bad I was..  in that  moment.. he was happy to have my lips on his cock…

sadly  that was the only blow job he ever got from me.. shortly after that.. I became more popular..

wonder why?? hmmmm

and I moved on to greener pastures.. .. and actually so did he.. 

and then.. it did not get much better..for a long while..

the next cock  I put my lips on was bad tasting.. the next one too big..

 I mean.. I have kind of a large  mouth..but this thing was a monster…. big..  so.. I hesitated after I started.. wondering what to do..   and he pushed my head into it..and I swear that thing went all the way  to my stomach.. it was gross.. I remember feeling helpless and mad.. and I pinched him so hard.. he got the message loud and clear not to ever do that again.. and . . you guessed it..   he never  had my lips on his cock again..

unless you are into it….the whole.. grab my head and push me into your cock..  which sometimes.. ya.. I like.. in the right moment.. it can be very sexy…. but men.. make sure we are into it..  even in the heat of passion.. is this something she will like?

the element of surprise.. is not a good thing in this scene.. ;)

there is nothing worse than a man making you gag.. what pleasure is derived from watching you choke to death?

Now.. I did take a little course.. at my friend Raw’s house.. about BJ’s and the best way to give them..

I want to share one of those tricks with you.. in the hopes that it will become, if it’s not already, part of your regular sexual repertoire..

you see.. they say you can hook   a man via his stomach..(ie being a good cook.. ) but if you want to keep him.. baby you gots to blow him gooood..

and I do enjoy a gorgeous licking.. don’t you??.. ya.. of course you do!!

so it’s only natural that I would want to reciprocate.. no? .. si.

So.. on deep throating…. or not even deep.. just getting that cock fully in your mouth..

(which I  hear is  one of the best feelings. for the boys..your lips going top to bottom on that cock.. humming on it.. hummmmmmm )

but it can be tricky no?

specially if  have a man with a long cock.. and you want to swallow him whole.. without bringing up your breakfast?

the key is LUBE!

have you seen those porno movies..  were the women are giving head and all this spit is flying around??.. they are spitting on to it.. collecting saliva in their mouths? almost too much saliva..

well.. that is what slides it down your throat.. that is the  key..

SALIVA is your friend..

believe me .. I tried all the stuff they will try and sell you at the sex shop..to make it easier to give a good blow..

the numbing spray.. the stuff that is supposed to taste good.. but tastes like rotten fruit..

frankly you don’t need it..saliva.. is your friend.. it’s all you need.. organic.. clean.. and very usefull  :)

So.. I like to start by licking..gently playing with the cock..  and while I lick.. I collect all the saliva in my mouth.. and once I can feel a pool in there.. then I bring it to the tip of my tongue and  bath the cock with it… as I move my lips up and down on it..

hoo my.. I’m getting .. hmm warm .. just thinking about it..

are you??  hmmmm??

so.. once it’s lovely and wet.. the full on tackle of it becomes easy..

it also helps me.. to position my tongue were it will not be pulled out too much..

hmm.. sort of holding it on your lower mandible.. just letting is sit on top of your lower teeth..

if you stick it out too much, while you suck.. you will be more likely to gag..

this is what I find works well, try it.. and see if it words for you..

It was funny.. we were  at a strip bar last night.. with a girlfriend and a male friend..

and it just so happened.. that the gorgeous creature on the stage.. was doing a little fellatio workshop of sorts.. to the delight of the crowd..and me..it was a great show.. very well choreographed .. lol.. it was.. really.. !!

and when she spat on that dildo.. before she deep throated it..

 I cheered.. lol.. I did..

whoooo hooo.!!. that’s how you do it.. spit on that cock baby.. lol

well .. I did not  say that ..out loud..  because I am a lady.. and  even in a strip bar.. you have to maintain decorum.. .. hm hmmm

but I thought it.. and I whispered it into my friends ear.. as we watched.. and he agreed..

big smile on his gorgeous face..

“ya.. saliva is your friend…. may be we could bring her home with us.. .. and you can show her.. ?” ya… maybe.. maybe..

as he was talking.. that  gorgeous creature.. was now right beside me.. offering me her fake.. but very lovely breasts..  (had to say fake.. because they were.. lol )

and I laughed and blew her a kiss…. and thought about how fun that could be.. hmmmm

it was a fun night..

Fellatio.. say it with me..

FELLATIOOOOOOOO!

Tags: deepthroat, erotica for women, fellatio, giving head, my first blow job, saliva, strippers, sucking cock

Remember how I said.. that I asked friends to send me their lonely, their unwanted , their desperate.. male friends.. ?

well.. I really told them to hook me up with cute boys.. but this  is what has been coming my way.. lol

today.. I meet one.. that was not so lonely, so desperate, or so unwanted..

in fact.. he was rather yummy.

This date was the brainchild of my friend Raw.. a friend of her husbands.

who I had actually meet at her pool  a couple of times..

when a man has seen you in your bathing suit.. and is still interested..

THAT is a good thing..

“he is very dominant .. but not fanatical.. and lovely.. I think it could be a good match for you”

she said.. while we sipped on  her enormous glasses of wine..

so .. I agreed..  and today.. I reluctantly headed to meet him .. at lunch..

OK..

although he lives in the other side of my world.. he did not complain about coming to meet me.. or about how far away I live..

“that was an incredible drive.. I never get out this way.. ..”

instant browny points awarded:  2 million!  (even if he is full of shit.. but today was a rather epic day in my end of the world.. warm and sunny and this lovely breeze that brought the smells of spring.. ya. .. spring.. crazy.. in Jan.. )

let me give you the basics.. before we get into the good stuff.. and sisters.. there is much good in this man..

about friken time.. I say.. !!!

he  is tall, sweet smelling, and very well spoken.. and he has an air of

something I cannot describe.. but that something.. made the hair in my  neck stand up.. and for a change.. it was not in a bad way..

hmm maybe a combination of scared and turned on…

He is not attractive, in the traditional sense of the word.. but the man is sexy .. he drips sex appeal..  it’s intoxicating..

I love that.

We meet at a little coffee shop down by the beach.. I got there first..

and I watched him get out of his car..  and walk in..

great walk..

you can tell much about a person in the way they carry themselves..

he, walked with confidence….

He came to say hello.. and like an old friend kissed both of my cheeks..

left.. to right..

I love that. ..

it is the small things that make me tingle..

his lips were full, warm, and soft…. I wanted them to stay on my cheek..

now.. I have eyeballed this man before.. watched him in a social situation..

he was clever.. but quiet.. looking.. watching.. you could tell that his eyes were busy .. processing the room, the people..

and I guess that stayed with me.. but I put in the memory deposit bank.. .. you know..

you often meet people that charm you.. but you loosed interest or  other things captivate you.. so you move on from them

but what you watched of them.. stays with you..

am I making sense ? or babbling as per usual??  lol

when I saw him.. walk into the cafe, that is what I remembered about him.. that was the flash back..

Soooo..

we grabbed coffee and walked..

I always feel more comfortable walking with someone when I first get to know them..

it takes the edge of sitting in front of eachother  not knowing what to do with your eyes..

 he brought his camara along..

and he let me use it…. which.. for me.. meant..

trust..

love that..

I like people that sense.. that you are aware of what your holding.. and you will care for it.. ..

they read you well.. I think  he read me like a book..

we walked around, talking about random things..  music, books,

Haiti..

our mutual friend, has decided that at 63.. she is going to permanently retire, and go around the 3rd world making a difference…. crazy old broad.. with a heart of gold.. love her!

so.. she is taking herself to Haiti at the end of the  month..  on her own..

Raw is a very cool woman.. and once  she decided that this is what she was doing.. welll..

this is what she is doing.. !!!..

Anyway..back to the walk..

the conversation somehow fell on our bad date stories..

can’t remember how we got there.. but I think we both have had our share..

and then.. the conversation got just a little more steamy.. and we openly talked about sex

in the most gorgeous… delightful way..

 full,  and explicit conversation.. but yet.. soft.. and ..

almost like we were talking about a ballet, or a concerto.. just  a dance..a dance  of ideas.. or fantasies.. of fun..

ya.. it was very good.. very good.. good.. did I say .. GOOD??  remember I told you way back.. that I enjoy talking about

sex.. almost as much has having sex.. .. lol.. I do..

so… probably against my better judgement..

I told him about the ad,  ya.. THAT ad.. that  I placed on Craig’s list..

and he was not horrified.. or shocked.. he was interested in what I wrote.. how I said it..

he said he would like to read it..

and tonight.. I mailed it to him..

yes.. you know something.. I think, I’m done.. with the pretence that I am something I’m not..

and I need to be open about what I want.. and what I don’t want..

and he got that..  without any apparent change in his thoughts about me..

lol

ya.. whatever..

you know what is funny.. is that men, start of saying.. yes.. we know what you want. .we know how to do that…. we are men..

and then.. then.. when you tell them about the others.. because the ask..

then, it changes..

what was light.. and fun.. become not so light and fun.. it’s palpable..

anyway..

so we shall see.

my almost spring man..how long you  will stick around..?

hmmm.. wellll.. 

he has already lost round one..I’m sorry to report.. that  he is a bad kisser.. NOT HORRIBLE.. but bad..

ya know.. when nothing tingles.. nothing makes you want to grab them and not let go until you are satisfied..

ya.. not there.. lol

but maybe.. maybe.. he can be turned on like a candle.. maybe..  I will let you know.. :)

Tags: bad kissers, coffee, new man, pictures, pretty raw, spring, spring smells

I have been Tweeting about Masturbation..and thinking about masturbation.. and masturbating.. lol..

What?? did you not know we are now on Twitter??

Come.. join us.. @eroticaudio

So.. I have been tweeting about masturbation.. and I started thinking about the different ways in which I can take myself  to heaven..

of Course.. there is NOTHING that replaces a living, breathing, sweet smelling man.. beside you  on the bed.. couch, chair,  floor..whatevs.. lol

but sometimes.. I feel greedy.. and just want to bring myslelf to orgasm

So .. who do you see… what goes thru your brain.. as your close your eyes and submit to pleasure??

When I first discovered this website, I spend many hrs.. MANY hrs. listening to The Sayers stories and

frantically masturbating, I think I wore myself out.. several times….

something about that voice.. and the images it conjured.. loved it..

since then I have become an addict of spoken porn.. searching online for anything that would

bring me to that place…. and not because I’m writing on his space.. but I have not found a more sexy voice .. not yet.. still searching..

I do enjoy Silkenvoice.com   If you have not heard her.. YOU SHOULD!  her written stories and spoken audio-blogs.. are lovely.. erotic.. and educational.. specially to a

sexual/emotional/sensual reader such as me…

So as  I was  saying.. lol  I was tweeting on masturbation yesterday.. and I . .. asked out loud..

what I should use on this night.. one toy..? or a combo ?

I choose the combo..  it’s always my masturbation of choice.. yuuuummmmy!

so one of the followers of our tweets.. wrote..  and he celebrated my choice..

so.. Mr. Chicago.. this  post.. is for you!

Now.. what are the toys that I use.. most often? hmm

 well, I have two bullets.. one palm sized.. pink.. (of course)

and the second,  a little tini tip of finger sized bullet..which is so discreet and easy for travel.. lol ..

but powerful.. it literally makes your whole body quiver when applied directly to the clit..

then..I love this little dolphin shaped vibrator.. with three prongs? what would you call them?

hmmm let me describe.. actually look at the picture.. :)  that explains it better no?

so.. the fin.. on the bottom..  is supposed to stimulate your clit.. but it does not provide enough pressure for me.. and the dorsal fin.. is supposed to enter your ass..

but you know what happens.. as soon as I turn it on.. in my hand.. that dolphin nose.. it ends up on my clit.. it’s like a crazed tongue licking you to craziness.. magical really..

I have recently discovered .. that If I continue the stimulation past an orgasm.. I can rapidly have a sequence of  o’s .. each one much stronger than the last..

my whole pelvic region and abdomen.. become spastic with each wave of pleasure.. and I can

feel my pubis convulsing.. it’s incredible!..  the question I ask myself.. is ..

why did it take me 46 years to figure this out.. ?? LOL

you know.. it was actually silkenvoice that encouraged this behavior.. naughty girl ..

I asked her about it. .and she was kind enough to offer a lesson.. I love that .. :)

So usually the first orgasm is brought on by the nose of the dolphin…I’m horny, and greedy and I want to cum NOW!!!… and then.. I want more.. and more.. and MOOOORE…

I did say I was greedy..

so, my new trick  is that .. as soon as I cum, I insert the dolphin body in my pussy.. and let it continue vibrating there..

and I hold it in place using Kegel muscles.. (pleasure and pelvic floor exercises at the same time.. I’m such an excellent multitasker.. :)

then I grab my little bullet with my other hand  and place it on my clit.. first at very gentle speed.. (it’s super sensitive right after an o) and as the sensitivity dissipates.. I crank the speed to madness.. with my other hand I bring that dolphin nose to my G spot.. gently.. or

hard.. depending on my eagerness… the nose pushes right up against my pubic bone..

and I use a upward motion to hit the spot.. something I learned from a lover..

thank you lover!

honey.. it’s magic.. !!

I think the reason why I listened (listen) to those audio recordings so much.. was because they mega.. MEGA.. turned me on so much.. and as I was listening and masturbating..  I would often get lost in my self play…. and  miss what was being said.. lol … I was high on sexual adrenalin…. sorry Sayer.. :).. but really it got me to listen over and over again.. and that is a good thing .. no? yes!

sometimes..  it was like the voice was behind a fog of pleasure.. I could hear him speaking.. but like when I lover whispers in your ear in the middle of crazy  delicious fucking..when you are about to explode..  you hear him.. but you don’t.. and you don’t want him to stop … so you smile.. and sigh.. “huuhmm “… and pull him closer to you.. it’s like

“just shut up and fuck me.. “… know what I mean.. ?? ya..

So.. that .. Mr. Chicago.. is what I like to do.. 

Can you picture it .. in your head??? hm?

Tags: erotica for women, masturbation, orgasam, sex toys, tweeting, twitter

I love that quote… it’s so fitting right now..  as I’m being held emotionally hostage by a man who claims he loves me.. adores me.. and naturally can’t live without me..

well.. I have news for him.. I’m gone.. have been gone for a while.. and I’m not going back.. ever…

So.. It’s been about 1 month ,  and a bit..  since the last time  I was in the company of  B.

We have had dinner’s and lunches, and coffees, but we have  not been together, as in sex, for a while now, around 3 months to be exact.. it ended in early november..

and I thought things were fine.. we were friends.. everything was good..

until.. I told him I was seeing someone new..

he asked..

and I told.. because he asked..

so since then..

in the last week, he has called almost everyday….leaving these sad speeches on my cell phone.. and even longer emails in my inbox..

He is lonely, as I am.. sort of (I have other things to keep me busy  :)… but he is lonely.. and a little desperate for a bone.

but I feel that giving a bone.. at this point, would be fueling his fire.. and that would be unfair… I have no intention of ever going back to him.  It just does not work..

So I don’t answer my phone. 

He has his own ring tone,  I don’t even have to look, I hear him, calling.

is it rude?

no, it would be rude if I picked up and said nothing, because I have nothing left to say.  So I let it ring, and  go to voice mail,  then I delete it, without listening.

Mean?

no!, it’s the same story, over and over… I miss you , I want you back.. won’t you reconsider…. and it makes me sad, and lonely for him, but , I know, that what I need, what I want, he cannot give me, so I need to let him go.. and he needs to let me go…

is it easy? no.. it’s not.. I really enjoyed him, his company, his charm, his smell.. his sex.. .. all of him… but like a good friend told me while back..”that was always ending, wasn’t it?” … yes.. it was .. from the beginning..

So… why do we take on things.. that we know .. are not good for us?  we all do it.. … . it’s part retardation and part  masochistic in a way… but still  we all do it.

go figure.

I think that at that time.. when we got together..  B and I..

I needed him.. in my life.. he saved me in a way.. and I became very dependent on his love and attention..

but then.. I matured.. he helped me to do that.. by empowering me.. by  allowing me to see who I really was.. not who I thought I was..

and from what he gave.. I grew and became more self  sufficient when it came to emotions.. and I understood that what I felt for him.. was love.. but platonic love..

as in best friend.. not as in husband material..

He came with so many barriers.. .. it all made it impossible for us to be a couple.. the way that he would have wanted ..

but most of all .. he is a man who does not know how to take NO..

am it took me a while to discover this. .mainly because he is such an awesome sales man.. he totally had me under his thumb..

When we were together, our relationship seemed to be ME focused, which I liked.. much..

but as time went on.. I started to realise.. that really .. it was very little about me.. except in the bedroom…  and ALL the rest was about him.. his business deals, his family, him , him,  him..

it’s funny how being infatuated makes us blind and stupid.. lol.. it does no?

we don’t see the flaws.. we only see the beautiful part of this person..

but eventually we clue in .. and it dies.. specially when we are older.. more mature, because we realise that there is no fixing this.. it’s the way it is..

The thing that never ceases to surprise me.. is how stupid men are.. when it comes to keeping women happy.. which usually equates to women wanting to fuck them… and how quick they are to blame us for a failed relationship..

but  ya.. vise versa no?.. we do the same..

I just know when something is dead.. it’s better not revived.. because it’s always on a ventilator.. with no chance of ever breathing on it’s own again.. (nursing analogy)

I think that my brain had shut him down.. just let him go.. and I initially listened to his calls, and felt sad..like I was betraying his love.. like I was letting him down..

and I had to stop listening..  but what I had not counted on.. was that those feelings were not gone.. but suppressed… this past weekend.. when in the company of my Slutinas.. all of the sudden I went into meltdown.. crying .. weeping.. just a sad soul..

and I could not begin to explain why..I mean.. It’s been three months.. and I have a new friend now.. ..

I think we are sometimes quick to dismiss our feelings.. probably as a protection mechanism.. and when we happen to be surrounded by love.. in a safe place..

our brain informs our heart that is ok to let those feelings out..

and ya.. I did just that..

and now.. it’s gone.. really gone.. and the phone calls have stopped..

thank-god.!! and I can move on.. and look forward to change..

change is good..

Tags: best friends, emotional meltdown, facing facts, friendship, letting go, love, new beginnings, peer support, Slutinas

So… I have been on CL again.. yep.. I know.. I know.. I said I would never do it again.. but I did..

can you deal?? it makes for fun stories.. it does .. lol

so… I put up an ad, asking for a play partner.. someone sexual, clean, nice smelling, respectful, smart.. hmmm

I know .. tall order.. hooooo and I said they needed to come WHEN I CALLED…

ya.. I want what I want.. when I want.. just the way it is.

So I started a conversations with this fellow Tall.. this is what he called himself..

now I know.. it’s because he is TALL.. 6′3.. that would be a whole foot taller than I.. on a good day.. lol

so we chatted online for about 2 weeks.. back and forth.. witty repartee. he seemed fun, interesting, articulate and I thought a good “possible”.. we both set out our boundaries.. and seemed to have a similar want..

but really .. I had no idea.. what he was reading into my words.. the world of email.. is full of misconceptions and misunderstandings.. as I found out today…

Today.. we meet..cara a cara…

it was coffee.. at 1pm…

I asked a friend to be my wing man.. in case I needed to get the hell out of there pronto..

“text me 3 times at 2pm.. then I will have an out.. if I need it” I requested..

I mean.. these people may appear nice on paper.. but when you meet them up front.. it can quickly be another story all together.. trust me on that..

feeling safe.. secure and protected.. I headed out..

So… I walked into the coffee shop and spotted him right away.. sexy as all hell.. my heart started to beat fast..

he sat on a leather couch.. salt and pepper short hair.. gorgeous teeth.. big chin dimple..

he wore a simple gray sweater.. with a soft leather jacket .. a long jacket..

and he had Italian shoes on.. niceeee.. I love a man who dresses well.. it’s so lovely to me..

when I approached..

he smiled.. this huge smile.. hmmm he obviously was enjoying what he was seeing too..

good start…

he reached out for my hand.. and kissed it..

that I like..

I sat down.. he asked if I wanted a coffee. .. I said sure.. “let’s get them to go.. and we can walk and talk??”

“perfect” .. he said..

his eye contact was steady.. his eyes on mine..

hmmm .. interesting .. but too much?? should have been my first clue..

so.. we walked along the train tracks to the water..

somewhere along the way he took my hand.. “your nice and warm” he said..

“peri-menapausal.. always warm” I said.. because I’m such a classy girl.. lol..

I swear .. the things that come out of my mouth sometimes..fuck me… lol.. don’t ask..

so as we walk.. I ask..

“and so.. how do you see things evolving between us.. were do you want to go.. ”

and he clears his throat .. looks at me in the eyes and says…

“you don’t waste any time.. ” I smile.. he smiles..

and then.. he says.. looking straight into my eyes.. with a demanding stare..

almost making me look away..

“well.. i see you .. doing what ever I want you to do .. in order to pleasure me.. and if you are a good girl.. I will give you a reward.. ”

I must have opened my eyes like saucers.. because he stopped walking and just stared at me smirking at him..

in my head.. I’m thinking.. “PARdon??? what ?? WTF… ”

then he goes on….
“as my slave…… ” and I stop him… what??? slave.. pardon..but what comes out of my mouth is a little whimper.. which he thinks is pleasure.. so he hugs me..

and fuck it all to hell. .he hugs good.. really good.. fuck me!

then he kisses me.. and fuck it all to hell.. he kisses good.. and he smells Divine..

fuck me!

BUT!!!! in my ad, I must remember my ad.. I asked for a Man’s Man.. but not a Master… not in the full on sense of the world..

I want to be taken.. to be man handled.. to be thrown on the bed.. and flipped and grabbed and pulled..

but fuck NO …. I don’t want to be a slave to any one..not outside of that play.. NO FUCKING WAY!!

submissive… to a point.. but NEVER.. a slave..

ok.. ? ok!

I follow this porn site.. called.. sexandsubmission.com.. (very cool.. but repetitive.. but cool.. and hot.. and sexy. )

and it appeals to me.. the strong male… taking charge.. barking out orders.. using your body as a toy.. but

at the same time.. giving you intense pleasure.. I mean.. these women are getting fucked…. and flogged and spanked and they love it.. you can tell.. and they tell you about it after the shoot.. (I like that the best.. when they talk about what happened and how they felt. and what their favorite part was.. and you can tell… they are being honest.. their facial expressions speak for them..hmm and probably the hand full of bills in their pocket.. but fuck.. imagine working at something you love.. lol :)

AND what I see there. in my porn… that..was not present with this fellow today..

so maybe reality it is not.. but it is what I want.. lol

you see.. to me.. when they are doing the after show. discussion . these women.. these submissive women.. they are now back to being an equal to their tormentor.. he is hugging them and gushing over their experience.. it’s back to equal ground..

and what I think that this man today.. D… appears to seek.. is a slave.. a true slave that will be a slave 24/7.. this is not a game to him.. but a way of life.. and in his face.. you could see that..

and you know what.. I tend to follow my gut .. and what I saw..when I looked deep into his blue eyes.. was an abusive.. brute.. who had no desire to find out what I wanted.. what I craved…he did not ask.. enquire or question.. he just talked about what I was to do for him.. while he petted my head.. and rubbed my ass.. (that part I liked.. prrrrrr)

it was all about him…

scary I thought.. and a little hmmm egotistical..

so.. after our kiss.. I pretended I heard my phone go off.. and I walked away from him to go and check NOTHING.. because my wing man forgot to text me (bad.. bad wing man)

and I made an excuse to leave..

and here is the clencher.. as we were saying adios.. holding hands.. I detached my hand from his.. and he looked at me with a stern angry look .. and said..

“you never walk away without kissing me goodbye!!” he barked.. and AND
he pulled my hair..

That sealed it.. I sooo wanted to kick his ass.. but I was in shock.. and I just looked at him.. eye brows raised… and walked away.. just walked away.. he stood there watching me.. I could feel his eyes on me.. it freaked me right out.. fuck me!

on the drive home.. I processed what had happened.. and stopped on the side of the road to talk into my voice recorder..

and then I got back to the office .. and I wrote to him.. telling him what I had felt.. how he had somehow scared me (and turned me on at the same time..but this I kept to myself ) and how I did not wish to play his game.. and I thanked him .. for meeting me.. and said .. so long..

Then.. I got an email back.. him saying sorry.. for being too full on for me..

but it was too late..

for me..

the moment had passed and he did not make the cut..

picky bitch that I am.. I am..

how did you spend your afternoon.. hmmmm??

Tags: D/s, intimidation, kisses, lust, meeting a DOM, playing chicken, sex, sex chat

I have a wondering eye, something that is often attributed to men,  but I can tell you with certainty.. that I have it.

I can’t seem to settle into any relationship, without wondering.. what  else  is out there.. who else  .. were  else.

sometimes it’s fun.. and sometimes it drives me a bit batty.

This past few weeks,  I have started to date a lovely man.. he is lovely..

my age.. (for a change) gorgeous… fully dedicated to me.. (ya. .. he is definitely into me) and some how.. this  appears to be the problem..

he is becoming needy.. needy of my time, of my attention..

hmmm like looking in a mirror.. .. interesting how we seek those who are most like us.. even if we don’t realise it..

But you know me… I  still find myself seeking more.. posting on casual dating sites, requesting visits from old lovers.. looking at strangers like lunch.. you know it.. you have felt it.. .. I know .. I know it’s not just me.. I talk to many women.. and men..

my friends think that maybe I am  foolish to expect that this soon?  hmm maybe..and maybe not..

I believe in that instant connection between people.. it’s there right away or it’s not.. it’s not something you can grow into .. I don’t  think….

when you meet someone for the first time.. it tingles.. or it does not.. simple..

it’s fucking hot or fucking not.

So with him.. it is there.. the heat.. but it’s not as hot as I would like it..

it’s not .. “I want to rip your clothes off and feel all your skin ” hot..

it’s .. hmmm..” ok.. let’s fuck”.. hot…

So again.. I find myself feeling that ever present hunger.. … but I kind of like it… that feeling of want.. it’s .. strange .. I know.. but it’s me.. I’m a bit of a freak..

So.. on this subject..

Had a very interesting talk with Silkenvoice.. of  Silkenvoice.com  about this attention seeking behavior.. because I know that it’s all about that.. about the attention being focused on me.. I seek, I crave it , I demand it

So in conversation with silken..

she attributed it to.. .. this type of  attention seeking sexual acting out.. (which I think it’s what I do.. if I’m not satisfied in a relationship.. rather than giving it a chance by working on it.. I just fuck it up.. . part fear of intimacy? maybe.. but mostly seeking acceptance.. I think.. )

so.. we talked.. and SHE  told me.. lol ….(I sound good.. when I repeat what other intelligent people have shared with me.. but trust me.. I’m not that bright.. )

that the roots of this need.. could be  attributed to not getting enough attention as a child.. and now.. it’s coming home to roost..

an interesting thought ..

although we say.. we are now adults and should be able to put childhood shit aside.. because we are adults…

but  as she spoke.. I saw myself….in her words.. . and I understood..isn’t  it cool when that happens?

I mean.. somewhere in the deep of my brain function.. I’m sure this is etched as fact.. but .. to hear it.. spoken with intelligence.. in a non threatening or accusing manner.. it goes in and stays in to be processed..

love having intelligent friends.. :)  specially those who take the time to listen..

and read…  (thanks)

Silken and I,  we both come from large families, both the first born.

Our stories of childhood are different but yet the same.. we both had parents that were preoccupied with being parents.. and being.. and they somehow dropped the ball with us..not in a bad parenting way…. simply in a being overwhelmed or too busy way…

it’s just the way it is.. I get it… I understand it.. I accept it..

and this conversation ..  took me back to being a kid.. how I so desperately wanted “positive” attention…. and when it was not given….really .. because my parents were simply trouble shooting .. it’s all they had time for.. so..

it was bad behavior that got attention.. because it needed to be addressed.. everything alse could wait.. know what I mean?

So..  I found it very easy to get attention for being bad.

and here I am.. at 46.. still seeking the same .. by doing the same..

lol.. kinda funny…. probably not as simplistic as all that.. but I would say damn close.

I was always in trouble as a teenager.. specially after the sports stopped.. I remember almost taunting my parents into freaking out at me.. and now I see… clearly… that it was because I wanted to be noticed to be the “top kid” the one getting the most of the  attention..

interesting stuff.. Dr. Silkenvoice.. lol.. check’s in the mail..

Anyway.. this all got me thinking about were it is that I’m headed in this wold of seeking love and romance and sexual attention…

it got me thinking that I’m lost and confused,..

still .. lol

definitely.. I know, that.. like U2 sings..

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for..

but I’m starting to wonder if that which I seek, crave, want.. even exists??

probably in 4 or 5 different men.. yes.. but in one?? probably not..

which again points out that monogamy is not for me..

but yet.. I crave some aspects of it.. for sure..

confused? I am .. yikes!

And here  is the main issue I have with this new man in my life..

I kind of thought.. hmmm younger.. ok…

this will mean more open.. different than the last.. in that our life stages were very similar..

but no.. it’s not that at all..

It’s almost like I’m in a life stage of my own design.. and no one..

fits in there very well..

so I find that I’m playing cautious.. and I’m not really sure why.. but you  know

you get a sense that people are just not ready for you yet.. lol

so.. I decided to venture there.. just a little..

in conversation … I brought up a little bit of the .. dirty bits.. the things I enjoy..

the porn.. I slipped in that I enjoyed the visual aspect of it.. and that it turned me on..

and I had to stop..

because in his face I did not see

“fucking heyyyyyyyy!!!!”   which it what I was hoping for..

but rather..  .. “hmmm really?”

and that my friends… at 46.. is a deal breaker..hmm probably at 36 too..

but I now know.. in depth .. what will keep me interested.. and that is NOT it.

so   ya.. I see myself running..

away from him…

surprise, surprise..

Tags: erotica for women, inner child, porn, relationships, sex, Silkenvoice, talking to women, tingle

The plan to go out, was born around 1pm saturday afternoon.  It was a child of Facebook, it was one of my oldest friends, who I have not seen in 10 years or so… and one of my old but around friends , Gigi.. who I don’t see often, but do talk to regularly.  The group that came together on FB, was two teams of 5 or 6 girls each.. two opposing teams..

something I did not clue into, until the team that arrived second.. sat on the opposite end of the bar.  We are latin american.. there is always going to be drama.. it’s expected.

These  women I  befriended  years ago,when we were still girls, most of them are still there.. in our 20’s..  but I have changed.

Isnt’ it funny how the years can really affect some people into profound change.. but for others, it’s still like they

were frozen in time, 20 years later, still acting the same.. it’s a puzzle for me.. how do you get away with that? hmm not sure….

I was late..( imagine that) … but these are my old friends.. so they know..and they plan accordingly..

my girlfriend Gigi.. waited for me at this funky Spanish bar on the  East side of town.. sipping mojitos and chatting up the old guys.. she is very good at that.  Gigi is one of the most funky women I know.. at 45… she looks 50.. lol

skin aged from years of body abuse.. but there is a twinkle in her green eyes, that totally charms you and hypnotizes you into seeing  her as if  she is still  20 years old…… it’s incredible what she does.. mass hallucination lol.. she has always been an  enchanting beauty,  and the boys.. young and old gravitate to her.. always have, always will..

So I got there.. a seedy bar.. well. not seedy.. but sort of.. ?  and I  parked the car, and I looked thru the parking lot.. making sure I was safe to get out.. so .. ya.. kind of a sketchy area of town.. lol..

but then..I  saw me..as I was… all those years ago..

me at 25 …..

standing beside this old Camaro.. gorgeous dark  green, fuzzy dice hanging from the rear view window…

I  was standing there.. waiting…

I wore white knee high boots.. and a mini that was juuuust covering my  assetssssss…

this young girl , standing out there.. was me.. 20 years ago.. young and gorgeous and fearless… driving my dad’s car.. pretending it was mine… lol.. I remember..

it’s funny how fashion makes full circles… those white boots.. had them until last year .. the short skirt..hmm it was thrown out by my mother… “only prostitutes wear skirts that short”… she had a point… looking at this lovely girl .. I can see , she had a point.. lol..

so.. I sat in my car for a while..

rolling a joint, and contemplating smoking it before I went it…. then decided against it.. (next time ..I will smoke it before.. so I don’t miss calls.. )

so I just sat and watched her..

she smoked a  cigarette.. and looked at her watch… she was scared?? nervous anyway..

I sat for maybe 5 more  minutes watching her.. then I got a text.. “were are you?”… and I left my car…

as I left her behind , in the almost empty parking lot.. I worried about her.. .. don’t ask me why.. but I did, I think

remember the heaps of trouble that I got into, when I was her.. and I felt sad for her.. just a little.

As I walked in to the bar.. the doorman .. gave me a smile.. with his eyes.. I smiled back.. this was going to be a good night.

…..my girlfriend jumped out the door to greet me..

my god.. she looked….. OLD… lol.. ..lI know.. I know.. but it’s you.. I’m telling.. you..

.. so I can tell you anything right?

we have all aged.. but it’s not until you see someone in your age group..that you have not seen in a while.. that it dons on you.. fuck.. I’m getting old….. lol

I went inside and said hello to the rest of the gang.. then.. I  grabbed a vodka/soda… my drink of choice when I want to look like I”m drinking. .. but I’m not really drinking.. lol. that way people don’t razz you.. I hate that.. so I keep filling it with soda.. as the night goes along..and nobody questions or pushes alcohol on me.. which.. I’m grateful for, I have vices for sure.. but they are sex and pot..in that order..

ya..I would much prefer to be a little high.. and able to drive later.. than being totally washed out hangover the next day..

another sign of aging.. or is that simply maturity?? hmmmmhm

So.. on this night.. you know what the biggest thing was.. all the men that asked me to dance..  and generally hit on me.. it  must have been the moon.. because baby. I was on…

the funny part.. is that  I could not enjoy the glory..it bothered me.. all the attention.. I knew what it was they were after. … and last night… it just was not my scene.. but it was delightful.. I won’t lie.. just different..

at one point, I headed outside to smoke my joint.. and this young man followed me.. cute as a button.. smelling of something so delicious that  I stood close to him, just to smell him… as we shared the joint… he started to hit on me..

“you are so beautiful, why are you here alone?”..” I’m not” I said… going into defense mode…. “a friend is coming to join me….he will be here soon”… he smiles…like.. saying… “yeah.. righttttt”…

and he kept at it.. “what if I gave you my number, can we go out tomorrow?”…

“that is very nice of you to ask.. ” I said.. feeling my face starting to react to the pot… permagrin coming on…

“but do you know how old I am?”  I asked..

“who cares , do you care?”….kids got a point…

“I’m 46, you are twenty.. hmmm can you see a problem with that?”  I laughed at him.. not at him.. but you know.. laughed.. and he was not amused..

it was time to pretend a trip to the bathroom was needed immediately… so I headed inside and grabbed my purse..

I noticed it was blinking , my phone..so I sat and looked and answered the text..  and I notice that this  young man.. comes to sit beside me.. big smile on his face..

I keep on doing what I’m doing.. and he interrupts

“you like to text alot.. I thought you had to pee?”.. I laugh at him.. and keep on texting… hoping that he will just go away.. but he does not..and now,  I’m fully under the spell of the organics.. and my smile.. although not meant for him

but for my text  friend.. gets interpreted as  go ahead of sorts….

until I get up and walk away.. leaving him to smile alone….

As I walk the room.. headed to my second group of friends… sitting on the other side of the bar.. I see smiles all around.. and I swear  it’s not the organics.. they are all smiling at me.. the room that was filled with cougars not 20 minutes ago.. is now saturated in young, cute boys.. hmmm and a few trolls.. but mostly cute boys.. and they are all happy to see me..  the charm of this scene last about hmmm 4 minutes.. then I remember a friend of mine making an analogy about a lamb.. a little lamb plucked from her  friend lams.. left alone to be devoured.. lol.. and I get uncomfortable.. and I want to go home.. just like that. the spell is broken and I want to go home.. but I”m too stoned to drive.. it’s going going to be at least an hr, before I can go anywhere.. so ..I dance.. and dance and dance.. and just like that, it’s 2am… my organic buzz has gone.. the  3 drinks I had early in the night are gone.. . and I can drive.. but now.. no one ales can.. lol.. and I end up driving people all over town..

finally I get home at 4am.. wired for sound.. . body exhausted but brain processing all that happened ..

in my pocket 3 phone numbers.. the most I have ever collected one night.. not bad for an old lady..  and . I put them in the garbage one by one..

giving each a little thank-you .. for the lovely imagery that they bring..

but the lamb.. me.. is safe  and home.. and happy to be alone in my own bed..

well. not alone.. my toys are here..  and that imagery… hmmm it worked wonders.. :)

Tags: a date with the girls, dancing, erotica for women, joint, lamb, old friends, salsa, sex, sextoys, texting

Wowza!!  I looked in my inbox today.. first time since the holidays…

amazing!

thanks for your comments.. I’m really honored that you are reading.. I think I write dribble.. so I’m incredibly delighted that you like what your reading..

It’s been a super busy time, and I will be posting something soon.. something more in gear with this site.. so .. yes.. something sexy.. :)

Look in your IN  Boxes for replies!!!

Thanks so much.

SWW

I was going to write about some happy events…

then, I remembered the sour of last night… the anger I feel at my own species.

The Victim:

Blond, 48, divorced, bitter, not a good drinker, most despised creature in my circle of friends

WHY?

because she is a flirt, and when she drinks.. she goes after all the married boys, who would be ALL the men in this circle.

last night she did it, full force, drunk and manic.

She arrived at the party early.. with her kids.. two girls…

she proceded to drink, everything and anything that was heanded to her..

I watched her, because I could see all other female eyes on her..

So I protected her… why? not sure.. I think I sensed that she is very lonely and insecure about herself.. and unfortunately she does everying to make herself even more insecure, by her crap behavior

This is a woman.. who is no stranger to what other woman’s lips are saying about her..

she, hears but does not listen.. if she listened, perhaps she would not be in the place she is..

anyway… I watched her.. drinking up a storm… then.. she started to

grab onto any man in her vicinity.. I thought for a while.. how to save her from herself.. I could see the women.. becoming  agitated.. whispering to each other…

FOOD.. I WILL FEED HER…

so I animatedly.. grabbed her by the arm.. and pushed her towards the dinning room… she fought me.. then she gave in.. I walked and lectured..

“dude.. your drunk.. you have to eat.. the snakes are watching.. you need to keep your hands to  your self.. ”

you know.. what bothered me the most.. was that the men.. were flirting right back  at her.. indulging her drunken game.. not pulling away from her advances…

well, she is cute.. with a lovely little figure.. which she does not hide..

and I think they like the attention.. who would not..

but you know what.. they have all heard their wife’s speak badly of this woman.. they know were it is at… they should not be adding kindling to this fire..

but they do..and I think I know why..

she is already in everybody’s lips.. so they feel they can partake of her.. without any of the bad behavior  being put on them..

because she is a slut/whore/homewrecker.. already…

and they are absolved… almost like going to confession…  these man are not stupid men… they know an opportunity when they see one..

so.. I try and feed her…

we stand at the food table.. and she does not eat much..so  I place a huge glass of water in her hand..

“if you want to avoid the big hangover.. drink this sister”…. then I seek my dad on her…

my dad.. who is also at this party.. my dad who has great party eyes.. and he has been watching her too..

“that poor girl is going to get lynched.. help her!”. he tells me as I walk away from them… . he shakes his head.. tisk tisk style..

I continue to keep an eye out..

taquila shots start making their rounds.. and she is right in there…it seems like alcohol the manipulator .. has her fully in his clutches..

3 shots later.. and she is full on manic.. slut…  she is all over the host… ALL OVER.. and he is lapping it up .. of course he is.

I go over.. being really good friends with this guy.. and pinch him..and give him the…. “are you out of your fucking rocker?? ” look..

only he has also had a few shots by now.. and  he takes this as a come on.. and next thing you know. he has both of us in his arms…

great..!!!  now I’m being eyeballed by the snakes.. and they are not happy..

I pinch him again and I whisper in his ear..

“are you trying to get this girl lynched.. stop it.. ”

something snaps in his male brain (little tini, penis driven)

and he let’s her go.. then the music kicks up and we need to dance…

while we dance.. I’m looking at her.. my unfortunate friend.. and she is standing.. swaying back and forth.. eyes half massed. .

she is fucked up…

we finish our tango.. and the snakes seemed entertained.. they clap.. we take a bow.. then I go and get her..

I take her into the kitchen.. I force feed her two big glasses of water..

and I put her to bed… in the spear room..

she fights me… then hugs me.. then.. lol.. she tries to kiss me..

lol..

equal opportunity drunk  she is.. lol.. I will not remind her of this..

somethings are better left unsaid and unremembered.. lol

once in bed….  she is down and out in 2 seconds flat..

I return to the party..

all sorts of crazy fun ensues.. my god we had fun… lol

then.. a few hrs later… suddenly  I see her.. standing on the to step of the stairs.. COVERED in puke..

crying..

luckily.. for her.. I only see her.. I discreetly go to her..and take her to the bathroom.. were the continues her puking stravaganza… I hold her hair.. and rubb her back.. she is crying hysterically now..

“OMG.. what have I done.. they will never invite me again”

no joke.. lol.. I think she is in the shit house for a while now..I have to get her clothes.. so I have to tell the hostess about the puke

on the 1000 thread count sheets.. fuck.. this woman.. the hostess is full on crazy neat..this is a swanky home….  and this is going to kill her..

I clean up the best I can.. and then I put her on the other side of the bed and I go and get the hostess..

she freakkkkssss…

“fucking idiot.. does she not know how to drink.. idiot.. ”

and I’m thinking..

ya.. it was your husband feeding her those drinks… who is the idiot??

but when we get to her.. she is still sobbing.. and something on the hostesses heart .. turns her into pleasant Jane..

she is understanding.. and helpful.   ”it can be washed.. don’t worry.. let’s just get you home.. ”  we gather her kids and her stuff..

she is somewhat better.. but we are all concerned for her kids.. 8 and 12.. apparently they have seen their mom like this before

they both seem unfazed by her appearance… sad..

my dad.. who has been watching this all unravel.. knocks on the door..

“I will take her home .. get her stuff together and bring her to thru the garage. we can sneak her out.. ”

once again.. my dad to the rescue.. he is such a decent man…always amazes me with his random kindness and  understanding..

he gets the car and he sneak her out… a few of the snakes see us on the way to the garage.. but nothing is said..eyes pop.. and whispers.. fucking whispers..

what are we?? 12???

the minute she is out of the house.. the snakes start snapping..

the name calling.. the crap.. just vicious….. I try and defend her… I remind everybody in that kitchen that over the years.. we have all played her part in this house… our host is well

known for over pouring and landing at least one guest to talk to the porcelain bowl… including myself..

and you know what I start to hear…when I see them talking .. such venom… I see fear…

I see fear in their words.. fear that their husbands.. will take the bait being offered..its all about that.. jealousy… they are jealous of her… because she is available. and that makes her a threat..

never mind that half the people in that room are cheating on each other… but this woman represents a possible threat to them…

I remind them.. that she is alone..and very lonely , vulnerable… and lost.. she is just lost right now..  and I know what that is like..

and she feels vulnerable and yes.. she is an idiot for drinking too much.. but again.. scared, lonely people sometimes  grasp  for things that will make them feel better..even if its temporary… they look for that  fear cure.. lonely cure.. shy cure.. and alcohol has a way of doing that.. making you feel taller.. smarter.. funnier .. better..

women..

they attack like snakes.. when their borders are threatened….

women are horribly territorial.. present company included.. but I think what these women lack.. is empathy.. not sympathy.. but empathy.. for this woman’s situation.

They sit comfortable in their homes.. in their “perfect ” lives.. which .. are anything but… because there is NO SUCH THING.. as perfect..

or at least this is the face they put out to the world at large….

and really, they could not care less…about this woman..  she is a woman of lesser quality as far as their concerned…. I actually hear someone say that.. and because I am who I am.. I told them to fuck off..

hmmm.. in a very polite way.. but I think they got.. that I thought they were being ignorant…..

you see….  I think I used to hold that tittle.. the single gal.. the misfit…  but I worked hard to blend and mix and

become part of the group.. I mainly did it for my kid… because these are her friends parents… and along the way I made some great friendships.. but I know.. that nobody is perfect.. we all fuck up.. we all have our issues…

people forget that sometimes… they choose to just blab.. without thought or conscience.. just for the sake of blabbing.. to do what? make themselves feel better about their lives?? I’m not sure..

people piss me off sometimes….

Tags: drunk behavior, erotica for women, jalousy, lonelyness, party's, sad behavior, snakes, the slut, women behaving badly

Today.. I was inundated by emails.. I guess all the ones who forgot it was my birthday.. suddenly had an epiphany…better late than never I guess..

I actually just found out.. that my dad.. sent a mass email.. when he got home.. no doubt feeling badly that he

forgot too.. lol.. hoooo wellll….funny..

So.. it’s 8 days to Santa.. and I could not be any more exited… love the holidays.

Christmas always brings out that  ” love your neighbour”  in people… something about the fireplace burning.. the snow on the ground…. that reminds people about human kindness and love..

and for us is a big family event.. everybody coming together to enjoy..

In my family Christmas is full on.. the amount of presents under the tree is ridiculous.. why do we need so much STUFF.. ?? we don’t , we really don’t

so.. after much discussion … MUCH DICUSSION… we have started a new tradition , of scaling down on the gift giving to each other… and  give to our communities instead… it’s  our second year working this theme..

The decision was made.. to reduce the amount of stuff we give each other..

and instead donate to the food bank.. or orphans fund… so many people in desperate situations out there.. and we are so very blessed to have all the things we have..

So as I sit here.. contemplating were the tree will go this year.. bringing out the Christmas decorations.. I

have been having flashbacks to some of my favorite gifts… most non monetary.. simply thoughtful…

here are a few of them… mostly for my pleasure …. remembering as I write…

The gift of good food:   when I got married… on my birthday.. (dec 12) my mother decided that we had too much crap in our house.. and instead she put together something she thought would bring us both pleasure… in hind sight  it should have been a vibrator.. because there was no sex after that first year…lol.. ok.. ok.

ok. ok ok.. I will be nice…

so she hit all my favorite food stores in town, and got me  (us.. ok.. she got us)  all the  most wonderful foodie gifts a girl or boy could want.. the box came up to my waist.. and it took us about an hour to get everything out.. and hoooo haaaa

and our pantry was full until April…the things that you would not go and buy yourself… unless you were making something special.. really a most  wonderful gift… I kept the box.. she took great  effort in decorating it. and now it’s a toy box.

The gift of wisdom and harmony:  one particularly difficult year for the sisters.. (I have 5)… my mom decided that we all needed to give our heads a shake.. and get back to being family..

so she made a list of  “rules to live by”… she took time to write them.. she actually changed some standard ones.. to

her way of thinking.. it’s very humorous..

there is …you know what.. the whole list is worth publishing.. here we go..

“SOME TIPS FOR A BETTER LIFE:

Once a day tell yourself how wonderful you are

New goals every year will keep you going

Do not expect life to be fair

Admit your mistakes

Avoid self pity, resilient people do not feel sorry for themselves

Change is not only an ending,  it also is a beginning

Respect your self and everyone will respect you

Compliment people as much as you can

Learn to say NO politely and quickly

Do not vent your rage, you will only feel more hostility

Never take action when you are angry

Think before you talk , you can hurt somebody

Never take action when you are angry (she repeated this one twice.. I guess she saw much of this in a home filled with girls lol)

Have a good posture, walk with confidence

Do not gossip

Keep secrets

Reading is educative, make it a hobby

Be brave even if you are not, no one can tell the difference

Do not be afraid to say NO

Do not be afraid to say I am sorry

Use credit cards for convenience, never for credit

Never cheat

Family is very important, do not brake them apart

Beware of the person who has nothing to loose

Never deprive others of hope, it may be all they have

Do not put yourself down, telling people your misery

Treat everyone the way you want to be treated

Call to your family to say hello

Never tell family secrets to a stranger they can be used to hurt you

Mr. good and Mrs. bad walk side by side  ( lol I love this one.. she was such a cool woman)

Do not take love for granted

Mystery in a woman is a challenge to a man

Learn to listen

Don’t keep yourself too thin or too fat, neither is good for your health.

*my mom 1995*”

I love this list.. I had it framed and it sits in my kitchen.. I look at it all the time.

The gift of calling you an adult.. for the first time:  when I graduated from college.. my parents were the most laud at the graduation ceremonies.. they had  waited a long time for me to get it together..

when I graduated.. I told them I was leaving to go travel in the states.. and they were happy for me..and without me knowing…my mom put a box of condoms in my bag.. she would always help me pack..  and I found them along with a letter.. about Mr. BAD and  Misss GOOD… when I got to my first assignment in Florida….  lol.. maybe I will share that  letter sometime..  it made me laugh until I almost peed my pants.. it was soo good..she was saying I was grown up.. and could make my own decisions.. huge to hear from a parent.. even if I was 25 at the time.. lol  and she got me expensive condoms.. because she said  “you are worth it”….

The gift of letting you find out what you loved:   when I was 13..I played gold  soccer  (it’s like when you have to get picked to play)…. I was rather talented.. lol.. and my mom would get up on Sundays to take me to my games… and she stood in the rain.. and snow..  perplexed as to why they played this summer game in the cold.. “silly Canadians” she would say…

this along with getting up at 5:30 three times a week to go to the ice rink with me (figure skating)  were the biggest presents a parent can give. Not to mention cost… we were a middle class family and my parents worked many double shift so that we could have all these options in life.

The gift of empathy, and time :   when my boyfriend died… my mom stayed with me for 2 weeks.. made me eat.. put up with my pot smoking.. wine drinking and constant freak outs.. and she saved me… from myself..it’s funny how things that happen start a chain reaction.. and for us.. this was our bonding time… after years of headbutting… it was a sad but gorgeous time together.  My dad was also exceptional… he adored my boyfriend and I think he took his loss as hard as i did…  they were my rocks, a huge present to a broken daughter.

Speaking of him..this fellow.. was exceptional at gift giving.. always coming up with interesting things..

I think he delighted in watching my face light up…. as I did making him squirm in a delicious way…. we had much fun together…

one of his gifts was the most fun I have ever had .. while  totally freaking myself out…

one summer he surprised me with a weekend speed racing course..

we headed out to this little town not far from were I live now.. to the speedway..

I had no idea what to expect.. it was a surprise…

I should say.. that I have this thing for fast .. gorgeous cars.. I think it solidified when I was in  highschool with a bunch of Italians.. and those  boys loved their muscle cars… and so did I..

the faster, the louder the better..

So.. he had bought me this little back honda civic… as a present for getting into nursing school…. it had  tinted windows.. low profile tires.. and he had it fixed up for me.. (or really for him.. he loved driving it too )

so I could keep up with him on our trips to the interior..

his family had a house on the lake.. and we would take our friends there every weekend in the summer..

and we had an ongoing race…. I tell you.. it’s a lucky thing we never ever got hurt.. we were speed demons..

I think at one point I payed more for speeding tickets than  car insurance..

god. .. you would never know it now.. driving my shitty car.. but I love my old guy.. can’t seem to part with my volvo

anyway…..

we got out to the speedway.. and saw a bunch of top of the line BMW’s lined up.. and immediately our mouths started to salivate..

the first day.. they took us out for a couple of spins.. to show us what we would be learning.. and holy cow.. I have never felt a thrill like that..

we had head gear one.. with microphones so we could hear the instructor.. two per car.. you and your instructor..

then we went to the classroom and learned about accelerating , foot pedal positioning.. which .. seriously makes a huge difference in performance…  (listen to me..miss driving expert lol )

and then the thing I have used most since.. taking corners.. how to take them properly.. I think this is what kills people most often in our highways.  Then .. accident avoidance.. which has saved my ass more than once..

all in all it was an epic weekend.. that I will never forget..

on the final afternoon.. I took that BMW to 180.. and that was the biggest thrill of my life… I know it’s not huge fast.. for this this little gal..it was BROOOOMMMMM fast.. laughing my ass off the whole way..

and those are some of my favorite gifts..

I know I’m being sentimental..

I know these postings have nothing to do with sex..

But it’s Christmas.. and I’m feeling warm inside.. ..

Tags: christmas gifts, community, driving fast, erotica for women, feeling warm inside, holiday gifts, memories of gifts past, remembering mom